The wall

runnerToday was a true test for my Scotiabank Waterfront Marathon. I had to do 32km today and I learned so much about the brain, positive thinking, pushing past your limits and focus. Around the 7km mark I was comfortable in the run and the pace, enough that my mind was doing it’s wandering thing, just going over things in the previous week and upcoming events. Somewhere in there my mind wandered to my former spouse, my daughter, the still awaited court decision. The wheels of the run were quickly getting away from me and the mood was about to turn dark. I made a conscious decision that this wasn’t going to take over. That this is out of my control. That my relationship with my oldest is not in my control, the still awaited court decision is not in my hands, all I had control over was here and now. I have the ability to focus on what I have control over. I have the power to be positive or negative. I have the power to live in the moment and not dwell on what is behind me. The only thing that matters is the step I’m about to take. I have family and friends that count on my positive attitude, I count on my positive attitude. I am a role model for my children. Do they want to see me fail? Do I want them to see me fail? I am not going to fail! I have this run. I have this marathon and in time I will have Boston. I focused on all the things I have control over and quickly watched my pace improve, watched my mood improve. This carried me to the 30km mark. In Gage Park now and that feeling of the wall jumping in front of me, about to hit it, drinking from my new camel back and about ready to walk the last 2kms. This is the mind game, this is what I love about running, the great speeches we give ourselves, the “I can conquer”, the “Knute Rockne!” This is Micky lifting Rocky, I have one more great speech in me, I tell myself, “get up!” If this were the race would I permit myself to quit? I won’t quit in the race and I can’t quit now, only 2 more kilometers. You have this, put your foot in front of the other and go, 11 more minutes, you have this! I feel the goosebumps coming on, the inner strength, my pride, I know I can. These are the greatest moments, my inner soul cheering me on! Everything is better after my watch tells me I’ve done it, 32km, it is time to ready for the race, my body is almost there and more importantly, my mind is ready!

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